She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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