Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Randomize
