woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
