Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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