She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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