I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
