it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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