It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
