Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
