So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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