I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize