thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize