u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
