somebody snuck up and got me drunk
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
