I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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