So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
