Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
