so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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