when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
