I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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