Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize