she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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