i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize