Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
