walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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