seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
