Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
