i think my mom watched the whole time
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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