Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
