Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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