Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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