My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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