I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize