Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
pray to the hookup gods
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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