I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
