you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I touched a dick in church today
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
