I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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