Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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