so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
