Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize