I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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