You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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