we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
