Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
