honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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