How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
