You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
