I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I am one with the molecules
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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