He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You took a bar mat shot.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
