ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
