dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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