i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
