it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
