Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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