the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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