Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
