why do cheetos always look like penises
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I still have a little drunk in my system
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
