I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
