I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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