chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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