Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
