I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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