I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
