So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
